‘I owed it to my daughters’

It’s a tough one to say. I love me. 

We can say we love people, we love chocolate, we love travel, we love to cook, ‘I love your shoes’, but to say ‘I love myself’ – it can be hard one to get your head around. It almost feels conceited or absurd to acknowledge a love for yourself – especially when we have spent years pushing or punishing our bodies, talking our selves down, not prioritising our innermost needs and putting everyone but ourselves first.

My self esteem issues started young. A quiet and unsure little girl with a deep need to have controls in place due to uncertainties around my Mothers health topped off with some less than endearing nicknames and a terrible haircut.

Full disclaimer here. My parents DID love me and I had a good childhood but that didn’t stop lots of confusion around WHO I was and how people saw me. 

I played it safe. I did enough in school to not be noticed, I didn’t try to excel in any way. Forget trying a sport. I loathed having to be ‘watched’ or the idea of being seen.

A painfully skinny girl, with legs too long, teeth too big, knees too knobbly and hair too thin which my Mother (bless her) tried to ‘bump up’ with protein shakes and a pre puberty perm.

I would lie in bed at night and hit my elbows and knees to try and soften the bones (??!!!)

My teens saw me grow into myself more but it didn’t stop me from being extremely anxious in social settings, paranoid and determined to do what was expected of me. Nothing more. Nothing less. Ordinary and in my eyes, nothing special.

I don’t know what changed but I always recall my Mum saying ‘oh well, it’s only me’ when it came to prioritising herself or making effort. That kind of stuck with me and I remember wondering if ALL women had the same self talk? Maybe it’s a deflection or maybe it fuelled the fire, but I soon found myself in roles of encouraging women in the beauty and retail sectors – a natural empath and a deep desire to see women invest in themselves and feel confident and ‘nurtured’ after spending time with me. A styling session and a couple of daughters later, I started my personal styling business and work with women who were just like my Mum. I owed a different mindset to my own daughters. A confident Mum who loves herself and knows her worth = confident daughters who will know their value. And they sure do. My three daughters are the most self assured, strong minded, confident and capable girls I know. 

Oh if only I could take 10 year old me out for ice cream and tell her the things she didn’t hear and show her the woman she will grow up to be and the other woman she encourages along the way.

Maybe some of what I have shared resonates with you? Are you long overdue a self investment?

I would love to encourage you to consider a styling session, get to know you again and discover the beautiful woman you are.